This is... Me.
No special lighting tricks. No brown eyeliner to emphasize how blue my eyes are. No fancy hairstyles. No foundation to cover up my acne and red spots. Braces, forehead wrinkles, shiny cheeks, and pimples fully visible.
Just... Me.
And you know what?
I like Me.
I like the way I look in this photo. I like my smile. I like my face-shape. I like my eyes squinting up because I'm smiling with this face-shape. I like how healthy my skin is looking lately, how even though there is still acne on my face, it is way better than it was even a few weeks ago. I like that I look beautiful in this picture, even with the acne and forehead wrinkles and skin discolorations.
Maybe even because of the acne and forehead wrinkles and skin discolorations.
I know, right? A person calling herself beautiful? Isn't that, like, taboo? Aren't I supposed to say, "I know I'm pretty, but I wish I didn't have acne. I wish my face was symmetrical. I wish my nostrils weren't uneven. I wish my eyebrows weren't naturally scraggly. I wish I didn't have these weird curly cowlicks next to my ears."
And all those things are true. I do have acne. My face is not symmetrical. My nostrils are uneven (not that you ever noticed, right?). My eyebrows are naturally scraggly. I do have weird curly cowlicks next to my ears.
But tonight I found myself liking them, not wishing them away. Because they're a part of Me.
And I'm beautiful.
And I know it.
For the past few weeks I've kept telling myself and my family that I wear makeup because it's fun to put on. This is partially true. I go through makeup phases. Sometimes I wear winged eyeliner and bright red lipstick every day. Sometimes it's all minimalism, just foundation and powder and a bit of mascara. Sometimes I do a different makeup routine every week. But what it usually comes down to is this: Bronzer to make me look tanner, mascara and eyeliner to make my eyes look bigger, eye shadow to make them look bluer and my eyebrows look thicker, and foundation and powder to make my skin look clearer.
Why?
Because I wasn't happy with how I looked naturally. Reread that last paragraph carefully -- what you'll get is this: No matter what style of makeup I'm wearing, without it, my skin is too pale, my eyes are too small, my eyebrows are too thin, my face is too broken out.
I'm too much, or I'm not enough. Too much, or not enough.
But today I didn't go anywhere. I woke up this morning, didn't like the way my face looked, but didn't feel like trying, so I put on some foundation and powder and left it at that. And tonight, when I washed off the little makeup I was wearing, I realized that I looked even prettier with the makeup off.
Sure, my skin was blotchy. Sure, my eyes looked tired. But I looked natural. I looked happy, and contented, and cheerful. I looked at myself, and I liked what I saw.
So I made a decision. It's a pretty drastic one. Prepare yourself. Are you sitting down?
Okay, here it is.
Starting today, July 30, 2011, I am not going to wear any makeup for a year.
None.
Well, except for performances. You have to wear makeup for those -- a LOT of makeup for those, or the audience won't be able to tell if you have eyes or not. And it's kind of important that the audience know I have eyes. And Halloween. I love going all-out for Halloween. This year I'm going as Jack Sparrow. Why? Because Jack Sparrow's awesome, that's why.
But besides that, no makeup until July 30th, 2012. No matter where I'm going, what I'm doing, no makeup.
Because I'm gorgeous without it. The way you see me in that picture is the way I really am. And I'm gorgeous.
Now, I'll still wear cute outfits. That really is something I do for fun. I love clothes. Clothes are amazing. And I'll still mess around with my hair, change it up, have fun with it. I've never been insecure about my hair. And I'll be taking good care of myself -- sunscreen, washing my face every morning and every night. Just because I'm not wearing makeup anymore doesn't mean I don't want to be healthy. I'm planning on growing my hair out really long for a couple of years and then cutting it all off -- maybe a pixie cut? -- and donating it. And the whole time I'll be looking beautiful.
Because God gave me gorgeous, healthy blonde hair. He gave me lovely, sparkling blue eyes. He gave me pale skin, and a round face, and dry, acne-prone skin, and a big smile, and forehead wrinkles, and a long neck. He gave those things to me. And lots of people have those things, but nobody has them quite like I do. All those things make me unique.
Right now, I'm thinking of a certain lodge in Lake City, Colorado. I'm standing on the porch, breathing in the thin mountain air. All around me are pine trees, beautiful deep green pine trees, clear blue skies, breathtakingly amazing mountains. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in all my life.
But you know what?
I am more beautiful than those mountains. I am more beautiful, deeper, clearer, more breathtaking, and more amazing than that landscape I looked at this summer. I am. With or without makeup.
Why?
Because I'm me.
(PS: I highly recommend that before making any decision like mine, you give it some serious thought and prayer. It is a drastic lifestyle change, and therefore will not be easy. However, with God on your side, you can do anything. Thank you for checking out my blog!)
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